Jeg er at jeg er

I meget lang tid har jeg ikke kunnet huske mine drømme.  Så for et stykke tid siden bestemte jeg mig for at huske dem - igen.  Jeg ved de kan fortælle mig et og andet.  Og det har virket.
Forleden havde jeg en drøm som handlede om at jeg ikke kunne finde vej.
 Jeg var på vej hjem og skulle gennem en tunnel.  Den modkørende trafik kom fra snevejr, bilernes ruder var fyldt med sne, så føreren ikke kunne se ud.  Trafikken den vej jeg skulle stod helt stille.Jeg forstod det var nytteløst at fortsætte.  Jeg måtte finde en anden vej. Jeg efterlod bilen og fortsatte til fods, ad en anden vej, jeg var ikke alene.
For at gøre en lang historie kort endte drømmen med en meget enkel løsning. Efter mange forhindringer viste udvejen sig for mig. Jeg havde ikke tænkt på eller forestillet mig at lige det kunne være en løsning....og den var meget enkel og ligetil.  Jeg tog nemlig toget hjem.  Det gik lige præcis på det tidspunkt hvor jeg kom til stationen - og jeg kunne sætte mig på toget uden at bekymre mig om at finde vej selv og styre selv - bare nyde turen som jeg vidste ville bringe mig til mit bestemmelsessted.


Jeg har længe været opmærksom på hvor jeg havde tilknytninger, til penge, bolig, udseende osv. Og jeg har længe forstået vigtigheden af at slippe mine tilknytninger.  Dermed ikke sagt at de er sluppet.  Men jeg er opmærksom på de områder hvor det kan være svært og jeg observerer.  Og der har jeg stået længe...
Jeg har bare ikke tænkt på denne tilknytning som nok er den aller stærkeste:  Tilknytningen til mit sind...og til mine tanker.
Så tog jeg Regina Dawn Akers bog "the Teachings of Inner Ramana" frem igen.  Jeg har dog  aldrig lyttet til de 3 CD'er hvor Regina læser bogen op.  Det var som om jeg med et  fattet hvorfor jeg i lang tid har følt jeg stod ved en korsvej og ikke vidste hvor jeg skulle gå - eller at jeg på en vis måde  gik "på stedet".
Ja, se her: alle de gange jeg har gentaget "jeg" hvem "jeg"?  Hvad er jeg?  Den som observerer?  Er jeg observator? Nej.  Det er jeg ikke.  Er jeg den som tænker ?  
Min opgave er at ikke lytte til egoet, og ikke tro hvad mit sind fortæller.  Jeg skal frigøre mig fra min tilknytning til sindet.
Ramana Maharshi foreslår mantraet: Jeg er at jeg er.
Jeg er at jeg er. Det vil jeg gentage og overgive mig til. Når som helst jeg er opmærksom på mit sinds evindelige snak og larm - JEG ER AT JEG ER.

Jeg, og jeg og jeg...Jeg vil overgive mig skriver jeg - men hvem er "jeg" som vil overgive sig?  Og så oplever jeg at jeg faktisk ikke gør det alligevel - altså overgiver mig - hvem er denne "jeg" så?  Var det den samme "jeg"?  Hvad er det som ikke vil overgive sig?  Er det ikke sindet?  Hvorfor lytter jeg til tanker i mit sind?  Det må være fordi jeg   identificerer mig med sindet som om det var mig. Frem og tilbage. Vandring på stedet.
Ramana: "Tror du ikke at sindets tanker er som din hud og at det at være adskilt fra det som du tænker du ønsker, er lige så slemt som at  kroppen skulle adskilles fra sin hud?  Se på dette et øjeblik og spørg så: "Tror jeg jeg er mit sind?"

Dette skal være min opgave i året som kommer - ikke-identifikation med sindet og tankerne.
Jeg tror at denne tilknytning til mit sind har været  forhindringen til at kende mit Selv,  forhindringen til at lære at  lytte til Helligånden.
Så jeg vil bruge ordene "Jeg er at jeg er" og praktisere overgivelse, det vil sige - overlade styringen.    Jeg ved jeg på denne måde kan fjerne tilknytningen til mit sind;  lade være med at lytte til  sindet, som om det var mig.
Herved bliver jeg i stand til at lytte GENNEM sindet, og ikke lade det være en  barriere.
Jeg vil nu sætte mig på toget -  jeg kender ikke vejen, jeg skal ikke styre, det kan jeg  trygt overlade   til Ham som ved.

***

Wishing you and your dear ones 

a merry Christmas 

and a new year 

filled with joy and love!

Jeg ønsker dig og dine kære

en glædelig jul

og et nyt år

 fyldt med kærlighed og glæde!

***

All I need do is to step back...

From the Urtext: (as it was orginally written down by  the scribe of A Course in Miracles)

(October 5, 1975)

Be comforted. You are not asked to do anything. There is a time when to step back is all that is asked of you. It is a time of rest and not of strain; a time of peace and not a time of conflict.That time is almost here. It seems fearful because it is not under your control. But think a minute; stop and think honestly about what your control has done; what it has brought to you.

You have been caught in a trap from which you never could escape. Conflict, guilt and fear have come with you and never left your side. Each one of you has done this differently, yet each has come to the same place; the same impasse. And now it seems to each of you that there is no escape. For it is true that you cannot escape alone. Your stories seem to differ, for they do take different forms.Yet their one content makes you brothers. Dwell not upon the differences or you are lost. It is in recognizing the common content; the common need, that you are saved!

The mess that is your lives is an illusion. What can the form of dreams resolve? There is no answer to a question not yet asked, for it would not be recognized. Ask only this: Will I fulfill the function given me? What else is there to ask? Why must I know the form in which the answer comes to me? God answers, “Yes” and it is done. No more than this is meaningful to you.

It is not He Who would withhold the future and leave you fearful. You could not accept His “yes”in forms you would not understand. Things still in time unfold as is appointed them, and many things remain undone as yet. Plans based upon intangibles cannot be fully shown to you. And what has not as yet occurred must BE intangible.This phase of learning has a single lesson for all the forms your problems seem to take. To God all things are possible, but you must ask His answer only of Himself.

Perhaps you think you do, but be you sure that if you did you would be quiet now and wholly undismayed by anything. Do not attempt to guess His Will for you. DO NOT ASSUME THAT YOU ARE RIGHT BECAUSE AN ANSWER SEEMS TO COME FROM HIM. BE SURE YOU ASK, AND THEN BE STILL AND LET HIM SPEAK. There is no problem He cannot resolve, for it is never He Who keeps apart some questions to be solved by someone else. You cannot share the world with Him and make half of it His while half belongs to you. Truth makes no compromise. To keep apart a little is to keep all separate. Your life, complete and whole, belongs to God or none of it is His. There is no thought in all the world that seems more terrible.

Yet it is only when this thought appears in perfect clarity that there is hope in peace and safety for the mind so long kept dark and twisted to avoid the light. This IS the light. Step back and do not dwell upon the forms that seem to keep you bound. You WILL fulfill your function. And will have whatever you will need. God does not fail. But lay no limits on what you would give to Him to be resolved. For He can not offer a thousand answers when but one is all there is. Accept this one of Him, and not one question will remain to ask.

DO NOT FORGET IF YOU ATTEMPT TO SOLVE A PROBLEM, YOU HAVE JUDGED IT FOR YOURSELF AND SO YOU HAVE BETRAYED YOUR PROPER ROLE. Grandeur, which comes from God, establishes that judgment is impossible for you. But grandiosity insists you judge, and bring to this all problems that you have. And what is the result? Look carefully upon your life and let it speak for you.

Is this frail breath and deep uncertainty your choice for you? Or would you rather rest in surety, certain you would not fail in your request to have all problems happily resolved? Do not mistake the fine disguises you can use to cover judgment. It appears as charity, as mercy and as love; as pity, understanding and as care. And yet you know it is not what it seems because the problem still remains unsolved, and comes to haunt your mind in evil dreams.

What have you kept from God that you would hide behind your judgment? What have you concealed beneath the cloak of kindness and concern? Use no one for your needs, for that is “sin,” and you will pay the penalty in guilt. Remember you need nothing, but you have an endless store of loving gifts to give. But teach this lesson only to yourself.

YOUR BROTHER WILL NOT LEARN IT FROM YOUR WORDS OR FROM THE JUDGMENTS YOU HAVE LAID ON HIM. YOU NEED NOT EVEN SPEAK A WORD TO HIM. YOU CANNOT ASK, “WHAT SHALL I SAY TO HIM?” AND HEAR GOD’S ANSWER. RATHER ASK INSTEAD, “HELP ME TO SEE THIS BROTHER THROUGH THE EYES OF TRUTH AND NOT OF JUDGMENT,” AND THE HELP OF GOD AND ALL HIS ANGELS WILL RESPOND.

For only here we rest. We cast away our little judgments and our petty words; our tiny problems and our false concerns.We have attempted to be master of our destiny and thought that peace lay there.Freedom and judgment IS impossible. But by your side is One Who knows the way.Step back for Him and let Him lead you to the rest and silence of the Word of God.

***

Årets korteste dag

Udsnit af  Maria Eleousa efter forlæg af Malin Dimov

Det meste af dagen i går arbejdede jeg videre på min nye ikon.  Birgitte var på besøg og malede videre på sin "Maria i forbøn" - den bliver så smuk...
Og jeg skulle tage stilling til Marias farver og er i grunnen overrasket over at det endte med at blive så meget gult - Erik mente jeg var i gang med i ikon som skulle til Sverige... Det er selvfølgelig en mulighed. :)
I dag vil jeg arbejde videre på ikonen - tøjet skal være nesten færdigt inden jeg kan gå i gang med ansigterne - (det er en regel jeg har lavet) det bedste til sidst.


I dag kan jeg glædes over at dette er årets korteste dag. Så vil lyset langsomt vendte tilbage. Det virker så lyst og fint  her til morgen, med et fint lag sne i græsset.  Det får mig til at tænke på Norge... Sandsynligvis kører vi til Signebøenfjellet mellem jul og nyttår. Så mange glæder!!
Det får mig til at tænke på det David Hawkins et sted skriver i "The Eye of the I": 

"Humanity  is in the process of being reborn, 

and the God of Joy is replacing the God of dread and fear".

***

Am I afraid of being close?

It is easier to give than to receive.  At least, that is what I think - what I think it is like for me. If I am unable to receive - I will lack closeness.  Lacking closeness gives me sorrow.
 I cannot be 100% sure I am right. I might be wrong. According to  A Course in Miracles - giving and receiving is the same. So probably my ego is on the stage here - telling me I am good at giving - but not receiving.  Might the truth be it is just the other way round? Or might the truth be - none of this is true?
I have been discussing the feeling of sorrow with a close friend of mine. 
He holds that sorrow gives some kind of safety.  I know that the feeling of sorrow has a great attraction - but does it give me safety? I have never thought of it this way. So I gave it a thought...


Of course it gives me safety - it gives my ego safety.  If I am in sorrow - I have chosen the ego - kept it alive and well and made a distance to my Right Mind, made a distance to God.
The feeling of sorrow is often related to being left alone, not being with one  you long for, someone departed or just missing someone or something, and not knowing excatly what it is. This is actually a very good picture of the real problem - my feeling of being abandoned by God. (Or actually the feeling of guilt for ME abandoning God).


This is what I do in my relationship with God.  I keep a distance, it gives me sorrow - and I feel safe in that.  A wellknown feeling.  And all of this - just because I am afraid of closeness.  I am afraid of being one with all that is. I am afraid of being one with everybody around me, afraid of being one with Jesus, that is my problem.  But actually this problem can be solved if I so choose...


The big question is - how do I solve that preceived problem??  I know one thing for sure - I am not able to do that on my own.  I have to ask for help. From whom?  Well, I have a lot of helpers.  Angels are always around and willing to help, Mary is there and Jesus of course.  And then there is the Holy Spirit.  I can take a pick.
A pick of who will help me forgiving myself for chosing my wrong mind, for chosing my ego, and sorrow.
I am free to change my mind NOW. That is what I will do.

Today I will not be afraid of being close  

***

Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present

View  of a Lifetime

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band – he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.

‘Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .’

The origin of this letter is unknown, but its positve energy expands when you share this.

***

Ny Maria

Endelig er jeg kommet i gang med min nye Maria.  Denne gang vil jeg igen male på en lidt anderledes måde.  Jeg har malet bundfarven  i kun 1 lag og ladt den stå helt ujevn.  Lysningerne bliver lagt i meget tynde transparente lag sådan at proplasmos (bunden)kan anes.  Denne gang skal det lykkes...